It’s the weekly satire, back again! Let’s go through all the major news events that took place this week:
Ugandan Woman identifies Somnath Bharti. The Ugandan Woman who was allegedly assaulted and harassed by a mob lead by Somnath Bharti identified the Law Minister before a magistrate.
In return, Somnath Bharti also identified the Ugandan Woman. Within 5 minutes he identified her as Michelle Obama, no? Okay, Oprah Winfrey, not even that? Oh, Will Smith… Will Smith! Allegedly, allegedly. Haha, imagine politicians behaving badly on the streets of Delhi, anyone ever heard of that? Never heard of that, never heard of that.
Yes, this week was the week of the 26th of January. For those of you who do not know the significance of the 26th of January, it is… the day after the 25th of January, also known as Republic Day. Every year, a cultural and military parade takes place along the boulevard at Rajpath, symbolizing pomp, glory and pride. That’s what happens every year. But this year, though we had a parade and we had cultural displays, but thanks to Arvind Kejriwal, they sort of symbolized other aspects of democracy – agitation, rampage, chaos and mob rule. Also, Republic Day normally ends with a dignified ceremony between the North and South block of Rashtrapati Bhavan, but this year, the venue for that ceremony wasn’t Rashtrapati Bhavan but … any guesses?… Rail Bhavan! And Arvind Kejriwal did try to make the ceremony as dignified as possible. You know that ceremony! It’s the ceremony we all call “beating a retreat”
This week, in a scene unprecedented in the annals of democracy, the Chief Minister of Delhi, Arvind Kejriwal along with his white cap sweater wearing army laid siege on the capital and vowed to continue protests till he was given control over the Delhi Police. Though Kejriwal backed off after a day or so, I have to admit that he achieved one very important thing, everyone is talking about him! In fact, I was at a gym this morning with a friend and this is the conversation we had :
Friend : So, what’s the point you are making?
Me: Who does Arvind Kejriwal think he is!
Friend: Well, the Central Government finally gave Arvind Kejriwal control over the Delhi Police, didn’t they?
Me: What control?
Friend : The control to plan their vacations! 2 cops are having a holiday thanks to Arvind Kejriwal.
Me: These 2 cops are probably holidaying in Rewari, or Kasauri whereas Arvind Kejriwal is hospitalized with acute bronchitis and fever.
Friend : But what a victory!
Me : Of course, the Congress and the BJP reacted to Kejriwal’s hospitalisation instantly.
Friend : What did they say?
Me: They said, “See, his lungs are corrupt, we must launch a probe!”
Friend : Hahaha, but this kind of protest is incorrect. Due to him, the entire area around Rail Bhavan came to a screeching halt. It was pure chaos!
Me : Well, at least now those railway guys will know the pain of booking a ticket through IRCTC.
Friend : What, you still travel by train?
Me Ugh, not at all, what am I? A member of the Aam Aadmi Party?
Friend: Hahaha, by the way, this is all that Somnath Bharti’s fault.
Me : I agree. He seems to be proving quite a liability.
Friend : Basically, Somnath is Kejriwal’s Vinod Kambli!
Me : Haha. As far as Kejriwal is concerned, his support seems to be dwindling, and the press also has turned against him. It’s just confusion and chaos. So what is the difference between Kejriwal and Sheila Dikshit?
Friend : What?
Me: She dresses better.
At least 11 people including policemen,AAP workers and journalists were injured in the violent clashes between the AAP workers and the Delhi Police. We had a chat with senior inspector Trivedi of the Delhi police.
Me : Sir, hello, the Delhi Police has registered an FIR against the AAP protestors who staged a 33 hour demonstration outside Rail Bhavan, your comments?
Inspector: Yes, you have to understand, the first and the foremost, Delhi police is here, to serve you. We are not against anybody.
M: Yaa, but what about the FIR, sirji?
I: We have to follow the “laa”. Somnath Bharti wants to go in middle of night and attack people without warrant and proof! Who does he think he is? Batman?
I: On top of that, Arvind Kejriwal goes and violates Section 144 and forcibly enters high security areas. Who does he think he is? James Bond?
M: Are you calling Kejriwal James Bond?
I: (phone rings) One Minute haan, (talking on the phone) Hello Sir, yes sir, sorry sir sorry sir, will not happen again sir, we will try our best sir, thank you sir thank you sir.
M: Accha, who was that?
I: Home Ministry. They are asking why Delhi Police did not arrest Kejriwal himself. We tried very very hard, could not succeed. Normally, we can spot a Chief Minister one mile away, but we could not recognise him! From which angle does the Mufflerwala look like a Chief Minister! *imitates Kejriwal’s coughing*
We also have some exclusive pictures of what happened on the ground during the AAP dharna.
Kejriwal: Yeh Anna Ji ko bhej do. Accha yeh bijli ka bill aadha karo.
(The Minister sitting with him tears it horizontally into two pieces)
Kejriwal: Aise nahi, aise nahi, accha suno, woh Somnath Bharti ko neend ki goliyan dena hai. Unko neend aani chahiye, raat mein idhar udhar nahi jaana chahiye! (phone rings) Kiska phone hai, kiska phone hai? (Some one tells him it is Anna Hazare’s call) Are, kehdo unko mein ghar mein nahi hoo, aree sorry, kehdo mein sadak mein nahi hoo.
(suddenly a lady enters)
Lady: Excuse me, I am here for the Dharna, where is the valet parking, and driver, you in the muffler, can you please drive the car driver and park it?
AAP Worker: Madam, woh Driver nahi hai!
Lady: Toh kaun hai then?
AAP worker: Woh Kejriwal hai.
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